it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
