one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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