Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
