1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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