9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
