This girl is more easily done than said...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
