i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
