Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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