no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
