he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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