just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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