his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
