Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
