i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
