he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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