Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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