Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
