Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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