hotel room ftw
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
