Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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