we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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