you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
