I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
