Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
