Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize