i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
