yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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