Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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