I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize