I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
