You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
