the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize