I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
