best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
