I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
