I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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