just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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