don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
pray to the hookup gods
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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