I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
