She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize