it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize