my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
