I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
