they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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