Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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