In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to stop coming to work sober
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
