You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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