just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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