Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
