1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
