I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
