White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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