This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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