I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
