I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize