who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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