Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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