He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
