8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
