I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize