So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
