i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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