what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize