Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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