dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
