I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
