i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We were destined to go to rehab together
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
