The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
