So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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