Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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