If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
