Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
