halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
