it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
