Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.

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(562): View more from California

If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.

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(541): View more from Oregon

There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.

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(757): View more from Virginia

SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.

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(914): View more from New York

Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.

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(207): View more from Maine

you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you

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