Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
