how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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