Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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