i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
