made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
