But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
