I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize