My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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