Please, let me fuck your mom
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
