No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
