ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
