So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
