If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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