I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
