I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
