Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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