Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
