dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
