i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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