Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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