I will die if light touches me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
