I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
