She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize