i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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