There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just invented taco cereal.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
