I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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