Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
