Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My ATM looks so different sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
