Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
