I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
