Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
