Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
