watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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