Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
