Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
