drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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