Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
